First things first: Confidence is not bravado, or swagger,
or an overt pretense of bravery. Confidence is not some bold or brash air of self-belief
directed at others.
Confidence is quiet: It’s a natural expression of ability,
expertise, and self-regard.
I’m fortunate to know a number of truly confident people.
Many work with me at HubSpot, others are fellow founders of their own startups
some of whom I've met through my angel investment activity. But the majority
are people I’ve met through my career and who work in a variety of industries
and professions.
It comes as no surprise they all share a number of
qualities:
1. They take a stand not because they think they are always
right… but because they are not afraid to be wrong.
Cocky and conceited people tend to take a position and then
proclaim, bluster, and totally disregard differing opinions or points of view.
They know they’re right – and they want (actually they need) you to know it
too.
Their behavior isn’t a sign of confidence, though; it’s the hallmark
of an intellectual bully.
Truly confident people don’t mind being proven wrong. They
feel finding out what is right is a lot more important than being right. And
when they’re wrong, they’re secure enough to back down graciously.
Truly confident people often admit they’re wrong or don’t
have all the answers; intellectual bullies never do.
2. They listen ten times more than they speak.
Bragging is a mask for insecurity. Truly confident people
are quiet and unassuming. They already know what they think; they want to know
what you think.
So they ask open-ended questions that give other people the
freedom to be thoughtful and introspective: They ask what you do, how you do
it, what you like about it, what you learned from it… and what they should do
if they find themselves in a similar situation.
Truly confident people realize they know a lot, but they
wish they knew more… and they know the only way to learn more is to listen
more.
3. They duck the spotlight so it shines on others.
Perhaps it’s true they did the bulk of the work. Perhaps
they really did overcome the major obstacles. Perhaps it’s true they turned a
collection of disparate individuals into an incredibly high performance team.
Truly confident people don’t care – at least they don’t show
it. (Inside they’re proud, as well they should be.) Truly confident people
don’t need the glory; they know what they’ve achieved.
They don’t need the validation of others, because true
validation comes from within.
So they stand back and celebrate their accomplishments
through others. They stand back and let others shine – a confidence boost that
helps those people become truly confident, too.
4. They freely ask for help.
Many people feel asking for help is a sign of weakness;
implicit in the request is a lack of knowledge, skill, or experience.
Confident people are secure enough to admit a weakness. So
they often ask others for help, not only because they are secure enough to
admit they need help but also because they know that when they seek help they
pay the person they ask a huge compliment.
Saying, “Can you help me?” shows tremendous respect for that
individual’s expertise and judgment. Otherwise you wouldn't ask.
5. They think, “Why not me?”
Many people feel they have to wait: To be promoted, to be
hired, to be selected, to be chosen... like the old Hollywood cliché, to
somehow be discovered.
Truly confident people know that access is almost universal.
They can connect with almost anyone through social media. (Everyone you know
knows someone you should know.) They know they can attract their own funding,
create their own products, build their own relationships and networks, choose
their own path – they can choose to follow whatever course they wish.
And very quietly, without calling attention to themselves,
they go out and do it.
6. They don't put down other people.
Generally speaking, the people who like to gossip, who like
to speak badly of others, do so because they hope by comparison to make
themselves look better.
The only comparison a truly confident person makes is to the
person she was yesterday – and to the person she hopes to someday become.
7. They aren’t afraid to look silly…
Running around in your underwear is certainly taking it to
extremes… but when you’re truly confident, you don’t mind occasionally being in
a situation where you aren't at your best.
(And oddly enough, people tend to respect you more when you
do – not less.)
8. … And they own their mistakes.
Insecurity tends to breed artificiality; confidence breeds
sincerity and honesty.
That’s why truly confident people admit their mistakes. They
dine out on their screw-ups. They don’t mind serving as a cautionary tale. They
don’t mind being a source of laughter – for others and for themselves.
When you’re truly confident, you don’t mind occasionally “looking bad.” You realize that that when you’re genuine and unpretentious, people don’t laugh at you.
They laugh with you.
9. They only seek approval from the people who really
matter.
You say you have 10k Twitter followers? Swell. 20k Facebook
friends? Cool. A professional and social network of hundreds or even thousands?
That’s great.
But that also pales in comparison to earning the trust and
respect of the few people in your life that truly matter.
When we earn their trust and respect, no matter where we go
or what we try, we do it with true confidence – because we know the people who
truly matter the most are truly behind us.
About the Author: Dharmesh Shah is founder/CTO at HubSpot
Article Source:
https://www.linkedin.com/pulse/20130606150641-658789-9-qualities-of-truly-confident-people/